Confession#2-My Little Red Russian

Pen pals are a rare thing these days. Odd, isn’t it? Thanks to the Internet, it’s so much easier to meet and connect with people of different countries. Well, maybe pen pals weren’t too common in the past either. I don’t know. I’ve only been alive for about 20 years.

Anyways, I study Russian at Columbia University. Despite how rare pen pals may or may not be, I found myself on this site called Interpals (www.interpals.net). I was looking for someone to help me practice Russian. Eh, but I’m a lonely guy. Imagine my thought process.

Or don’t. I’ll write it out for you: I need to find a Russian. Okay. Boy or girl? Girl definitely. Hmm…well, if we’re looking for a girl, why not look for a cute girl? Oh, hey! Look! On your profile, you can say if you’re interested in flirting and romance or a relationship…would it be so bad to find a cute, Russian girl who is interested in a little bit of romance?

And so I met Diana. Рыжая (reezhaya) I call her. More or less, it means ginger. She’s got lovely, red hair tinged with blonde. Truly, it’s like the setting sun laid its rays over her head in wavy, honey ribbons. However, her skin might say that the sun had given her the cold shoulder. White. Creamy white. Yes, cream. I like the thought of that. Cream and honey. A wonderful combo if you ask me.

I feel like I’m straying from what I intended to write about, but I owe Diana more than a quick physical description. She is a smart, witty girl. Oftentimes, she likes to send me pictures, cartoons, and memes with Russian jokes on them. Even more delightful are her jokes. Sadly, my Russian isn’t as great as I would like and the humor flies over my head, but I want to give her credit because she has my sense of humor. She plays with words and makes a fool out of me. I can’t say how many times I’ve walked into her traps. Well, given my Russian skills, I often lay the traps down myself. She just pounces on the chance to give me a quip, always with an impishly grinning emoji.

As great as Diana is, I don’t know if I would talk to her if I didn’t think I’d see her ever. I’ve torn my heart asunder too many times to do it again without well-founded hope. Luckily Diana studies at a university in Moscow, the capital of Russia, an obvious choice for my study abroad next spring. I should’ve mentioned that before. I’m studying abroad next spring and I will either follow the Middlebury College program in Moscow or the Bard College program in St. Petersburg. Either way, I will make an effort to see Diana in Moscow. If I happen to study in Moscow, though, I will definitely see her more often.

I like Diana. My childish idealism has succumbed to a sullen realism, so I won’t say that I love her. Not to mention, we have both been too scared to call each other. Well, I have. I fear that I’m not skilled enough to actually hold a conversation with her over the phone. And honestly, I think my Russian is better than her English. Ugh, but I’d love to hear her voice. I can tell she has one of those light, whispery voices which trembles slightly with an innocent meekness. I can’t quite imagine it with her Russian accent though.

Oh! Anyways, yes, we haven’t called each other or done video chats. So it’s not incredibly serious. But at the same time it is. I am a writer. Words are my most trusted weapon in wooing a woman. I had her wrapped around my finger in a couple days. She had me wrapped around her own finger before then. I’ve been so lonely that a simple “hello” from any girl is enough to charm me into a deep blush.

Romance aside, we also had some…more…hmmm…passionate talks shall we say. I’m not very experienced with girls, but I have my mind and I have my words. So yes, we are serious. We’ve made equal time for romance and passion. It’s a good balance that develops intimacy.

But recently, there hasn’t been a lot of time at all. That’s why I decided to bring Diana up. She’s busy. She finished her exams not too long ago. But now she’s on vacation. She should have time for me. But she’s repeatedly tells me she’s busy. She seems genuinely sorry about it. Whenever she says she’s busy, she says something like “I’m sorry. I don’t have a lot of time. Forgive me :(”

I try to be understanding, but I also want to talk to her. We’ve managed to have quick small talk (hello, how are you, what are you doing, etc.), but eventually conversation ends because halfway through small talk, she won’t read my message. Then, I see later that she read the message the next day or a few hours later, but didn’t respond.

Frankly, I’ve been getting a little worried. Yesterday, I told her the story of how my ex and I ended, a story I might tell tomorrow. Basically all you need to know was that at one point my ex repeatedly said “I’m busy” and started talking less (i.e. what Diana is doing) before finally breaking up with me. I told her the story and said that I didn’t want that to happen. She said that she understood and suggested chatting. We started with small talk as most conversations do, but we never made it past that. She read one of my messages a few hours after I sent it and didn’t respond.

What do I do? I decided to give her space. She probably is busy and I’m sure she neither wants nor needs some guy who is clingy even from half a world away. I mean, if she does end up calling off whatever we have, there isn’t much I can do, so why obsess about? Hm…obsess. This entire post must seem a little obsessive. Well, I appreciate the irony.

Give me your comments. Come on guys. Or if you want, wait until I tell you the story I told her.

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