It should be no surprise that I am lonely. I’m sure that I have come right out and said I’m lonely. But if it isn’t clear, know that I have restricted my number of posts, especially these confessions because I don’t want to come across as that lonely guy whom everyone yells at, saying, “Will you just shut up?! We get it. You’re lonely. Do something about it, why don’t you?” But, this blog is more for me than for you, so I guess it really doesn’t matter. Eh…fuck it.
So I came across this by Carl Jung. It’s really been hitting some chords this past week. “Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.”
Okay. Yeah, let’s chalk some of my loneliness to depression bullshit, but…maybe the root of the problem is that I talk to no one. I’ve always thought of it as “Is there anyone I can talk to?” Can? Yes, of course. I have lots of people I can talk to. What I haven’t thought is “Is there anyone you will talk to?” Will? No.
I have loads of friends. Sure. And yet, I would never discuss this with anyone. Not even my family. Feeling special, aren’t you my lovely readers? You know me better than all my closest friends and relatives.
I suppose it makes sense now why the number one rule is to talk to someone if you need to. However, I’m in such a habit of toughing it out. Yeah, I’ll feel like shit sometimes because there are things I want and need to say, but have no one to tell them to. But I’ll live. That’s always my thought. I’ll live. Just sing a sad song and mess around on the guitar a little. You’ll get over it eventually.
And yet, I don’t get over it.
Instead of talking to someone, I talk to myself. Well, I guess I’m someone. But it’s not the same. Oh, and I write. I write here on my blog and I write novels. It’s all because I’m lonely, isn’t it? I’ve always said to myself, “I listen too much and talk too little. Now all I can do is write.”
How do I talk? Someone tell me. How do I converse with people? How do I speak my mind without making things weird?