Confession#8-A Strange Relationship

Okay. Let’s get this straight: this is the 21st century. The Internet has allowed for some strange possibilities. Let’s get something else straight: I am a strange man with a needlessly strange love life. At least, I keep things interesting.

First there was the Russian pen pal, but she ignored me again and again. I’m a bit thick-headed, but I think I finally got the message. That girl from Starbucks left soon after I posted something about her and I haven’t seen her since. I saw another random girl in Starbucks who seemed interested. I think we were exchanging flirtatious glances, but then again, I’m basically blind.

So as I was searching for a new Russian pen pal, I ended up with a pen pal from South Carolina. Her name is Daisy. No, she is not a princess from the Mushroom Kingdom.

According to Daisy, I am incredibly attractive and sweet and intelligent. Well, that’s the first time I’ve heard that. What a sweetheart. Of course she got me hook, line, and sinker.

She wanted to skype after one day. Am I that suave? Ha! No way. She must be crazy. Anyways, do you think I could skype after one day? Hell no! My social anxiety was debilitating! How about the second day? Nope. Third day…ugh fine. I knew I need to challenge myself to overcome my anxiety.

So we skyped. She found my quiet, meek behavior adorable. I repeat. She must be crazy. Well, maybe a little crazy isn’t bad. After a while, the flirtation started and it was…INTENSE! I swear this girl is like a goddess in human form. At one point, she bit her lip and it was easily the most powerful experience of my life up until that point.

Well, let’s flash forward a bit. You don’t need all the details. What? You do? Perverts! Hell no. She is my little secret. But anyways…things got ahem…steamy. We skyped from 10:30 to 4 in the morning. It was a blast.

Basically, each night after that has been quite similar. However, it’s not all sexual. I am a romantic man and a romantic man foremost. We do a lot of talking. We’re getting to know each other more and more. We’re getting used to each other’s mannerisms, habits, beliefs, personalties, etc. I find personality really hard to talk about, so I think I’m selling her short. It’s so much easier to say, “Yo, dawg, that girl’s got a nice ass!” No one ever says, “Yo, dawg, that girl’s got a nice personality!” In fact, that’s code for “she’s ugly.”

Regardless, please keep in mind that we talk hours and hours a day, and over skype no less. It’s as serious as we can make it.

I don’t know guys. I do really like her. The distance is killing me. She says she might be able to visit before Christmas and during the summer, which would be nice. I guess what I’m wondering is…do you think I’m just lonely and latching onto the first person who calls me hot? Perhaps I haven’t said enough for you to answer that question.

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